When asked by reporters: “So you have no qualms about punching other players”, Cigar of the Calmoria-Timoria Athletic Blue Jays responded “I have no qualms if they are attempting to steal a base. Baseball may have its rules, but the laws of a nation are there for a reason. Theft is not condoned in 49 of Union states, including Confluence. Bellevan keeps trying it though.”

The postgame interview was briefly interrupted by Tracey Bellevan of the Confluence-Winnica Cub Brewers, who yelled “And I would do it again just to get a faceful of your fist,” to which Cigar forlornly concluded “Please ignore Bellevan. She is deeply unwell.”

Tracey Bellevan could not be reached for additional comment as she climbed into the stands to menace fans who had not left the stadium upon the game’s conclusion.